shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
