He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
