saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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