those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
