kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
