we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just had sex bonerless
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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