So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am mentally ready for anal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
