and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
