i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
