on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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