he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
