So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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