Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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