at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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