Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
