: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
