I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
