so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
