Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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