I'm drive I can fine osifer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
