whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
