2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
