the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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