Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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