I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
