hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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