so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
