Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
