the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
