I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
