If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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