whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
