Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
