Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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