Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
