very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
