Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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