I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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