i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
