just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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