Welp...herpes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
