I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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