3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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