ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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