Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
