Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
