She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
vagina is talking i cant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
