wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
