apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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