Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
