the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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