There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
