So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
